You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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