god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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