Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
