Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
