remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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