i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
