It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
