brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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