I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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