yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
