well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize