I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
