i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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