I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
