There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
