Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
