WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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