She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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