I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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