If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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