You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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