it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
