i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
