I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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