ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
