jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
