I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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