omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
