I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
