She's JV to your varsity
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize