I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
