Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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