Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
