Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
