Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
