Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my liver is dry heaving
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
