FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize