Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
