I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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