only if we run a train.
done.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
