I faked an abortion last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
