I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
