Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
