I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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