I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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