oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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