3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
