You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
