true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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