For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize