we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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