If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
