I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
