After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
