So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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