The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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