some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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