He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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