hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
