Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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