By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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