So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
