So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
