she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
