if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
