I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
