the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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