It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
