Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize