yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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