All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
