Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
