I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
