Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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