Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
