I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
