For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
