We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
