guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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