listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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