well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize