i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
