I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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