She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
