Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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