so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
