I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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