Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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